This post is a little more personal than my others but I had the realization during my yoga class today that this story needed to be told.
Yoga saved my life.
Yes you read that right, yoga saved my life. Not in some dramatic chain of events way, like an 'I was in a yoga class when my house blew up and therefore I'm alive' scenario. But in an emotional, spiritual, and physical way.
Not many people know that I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts most of my life. The first time I can remember wanting to end my life I was only 12 years old. I was getting bullied a lot at school and my home life was far from ideal. This continued off and on through high school and college. Although I was relatively functional throughout all of this, I wasn't happy, and I certainly wasn't thriving. Then, at 5:00am on my 23rd birthday, I discovered yoga and my life has been dramatically different since then.
During my first yoga class I thought I was going to die. I naively chose a hot power yoga class for my first venture into yoga. I remember trying to keep up with the movements and corresponding Sanskrit words all while wondering how it was possible for a human to sweat that much ten minutes into a workout. I had tried almost every form of exercise you could imagine up until then, from team sports like soccer and rugby, to individual activities like swimming, running and spinning but not only was I awful at almost all of them, I also never felt a real connection with the activity. Yoga was different, after one class I felt not only a love for the practice, but a need, my body and my soul needed yoga.
For the first time in my life I felt whole.
Yoga filled a place in my soul that had previously been empty. Disclaimer here: I was NOT in any way shape or form good at yoga at first, actually I'm still not good at it, but that's the beauty of yoga, you don't HAVE to be good at it to practice it, or to love it. It challenged me but in a productive instead of destructive way.
Yoga forced me to concentrate on myself, which I previously had trouble doing because I didn't like myself. Every time I focused on myself all I could see were my faults, yoga taught me to focus on my inner self, which in turn made me love my whole self. It also taught me how to control my breathing, which helped me learn to stop anxiety fueled panic attacks before they become debilitating. My self-confidence is higher than it has ever been, my mind is clearer, I'm more self-assure and self-aware than I ever thought I could be. Yoga taught me to treasure my body and my mind, while recognizing the sacred connection between the two.
The most important thing yoga taught me is to be happy, that everyday I can choose happiness and it opened my eyes to what a beautiful world we live in. Everyday is filled with beauty if you choose to see it. I can confidently say that I haven't had consistent feelings of anxiety, depression, or suicidal tendencies in the almost three years since I started practicing yoga. I've never been happier.
So if you're feeling empty or lost or confused try a yoga class, it just might save your life.
